Video Whore: Elegance Personified part 2

Britney's back, y'all :) This is why her mic should never be turned on. At the .32 mark she announces to the audience: "mah' pussay is hangin' OUT." I love how it echos throughout the arena. PUSSAY, pussay, pussay..." It's not the first time, nor the last that her clam gumbo will be flappin' in the breeze so just get used to it.



Since we're on the topic, here's Sarah Silverman's take on pussay (skip to 3:35):



Here are a couple of doodles I did way back when it used to be shocking to see or hear about Britney's vagina making a public appearance:

It's a Christmas Miracle, Y'all!

Thanks to the restorative powers of Big Daddy Spears' cheese grits and supervision, our little Britney is back on top, at least for the moment. Can you believe it was only a year ago that she was footloose and panty free? Sigh. Those were the days. Let's take a trip down memory lane and revisit the now classic 12 Days of Britney. It's much more fun if you actually sing along while you read it, so grab yourself a venti Frappuccino, shed your panties, and carol away. A one, and a two:

On The First Day of Christmas My Britney Sent to Me...

"A Crotch Shot without any Panties"

* * * * * * * *

On The Second Day of Christmas My Britney Sent to Me...

"Two Screaming Babes"

* * * * * * * *

On The Third Day of Christmas My Britney Sent to Me...

"Three Trips to Rehab"

* * * * * * * *

On The Fourth Day of Christmas My Britney Sent to Me...

"Four Trembling Pups"

* * * * * * * *

On The Fifth Day of Christmas My Britney Sent to Me...

"Five Dirty Wigs"

* * * * * * * *

On The Sixth Day of Christmas My Britney Sent to Me...

"Six Pimples Popping"

* * * * * * * *

On The Seventh Day of Christmas My Britney Sent to Me...

"Seven Cheetos Crunching"

* * * * * * * *

On The Eighth Day of Christmas My Britney Sent to Me...


"Eight Judges Ruling"

* * * * * * * *

On The Ninth Day of Christmas My Britney Sent to Me...

"Nine Weaves a Tangling"

* * * * * * * *

On The Tenth Day of Christmas My Britney Sent to Me...

"Ten Public Restrooms"

* * * * * * * *

On The Eleventh Day of Christmas My Britney Sent to Me...

"Eleven Frapps a Frothing"

* * * * * * * *

On The Twelfth Day of Christmas My Britney Sent to Me...

"Twelve Cameras Flashing"

* * * * * * * *

You've come a long way, baby. Keep up the good work.

Love,
Doodle Whore

Sparkle, Britney, Sparkle!

OMG. The Velveeta Cheese Grits.

I poke a lot of fun of fun at Britney's expense, but in reality I love her. As much as I'm titillated and shocked by the spectacle that is "Crazy Britney", I really want her to get better, be happy, and enjoy her life. As I watched her new documentary on MTV last night, I was excited to see a glimmer of the old Brit peeking through. But the underlying theme was her sadness, isolation, and fragility. Gimme gimme more! Not. It's a bummer. She really seems lost. And exhausted. Like she could just snap at any moment and slap that pink wig back on her head, remove her panties, and down a couple dozen Frappuccinos. I mean, what was the rush to get her out there working so soon after going stark raving bonkers for the last two years? Let her take some time off to get her sparkle back. I know it's in there somewhere.

Boo!

You gotta love the 70's. Using an obviously high and sexually ambiguous ghost to sell artificially flavored blueberry cereal to children is simply genius.



And since it's Halloween, here are some of my spoookiest doodles from last year. (Click the title to see the full post):

Britney as that creepy girl from The Ring


The Bride of Winehouse


CelebriTots E-Z Halloween Costume Concepts: 'Lil Britney


Trick or Treat, Bitch.

Britney's Inner Cheeto is On Board

Like future President Obama, Ms. Spears is all about change. For instance, she was once the world's biggest popstar then changed into the pink wig abusing Cheeto consuming Frapp imbibing paparazzi addicted vajayjay exposing umbrella wielding child abandoning head-shaving tabloid oddity we know and love. That's the kind of change that I can believe in. Now she's changed again. I'm sincerely happy that Britney is "cured" (cough cough) with a new smash hit single "Wooomanizah" zooming to number one on the charts, a freshly installed weave atop her head, and her tightened and toned physique of yore restored. But you just know that this is what she sees when she looks at herself in the mirror. Pinky the Wig may be gone, but never forgotten (at least if I have anything to do with it).

Hit Me Baby One More Time

Wow! I just noticed that Doodle Whore crossed the 100,000 hit mark and I'm totally blown away. As long as celebrities continue to debase themselves in public, I'll be here to deconstruct it for you, doodle style. Thanks for all of the links, comments, and support. You rock.

Lil' Kim Vo Does Britney

Last night I watched "colorist to the stars," Lil' Kim Vo, on E! brag to preternaturally irritating television personality, Debbie Matenopoulos, about his four hour Britney makeover. To say he oversold it is an understatement. He clearly misleads us to believe that Brit would emerge from her gated mansion looking breathtaking and not crazy. Well, this morning I woke up to see this photo on Dlisted titled "Britney's Gorgeous Makeover." Doodle Whore has a little advice for you, Brit. Ditch that loose lipped Lil' Kim and his cut rate weaves and bring back Pinky the Wig. She's always there for you and would never ever go blabbing to the press about your business.

Britney at the VMAs: What Could Have Been Pt. 3

"Other things I wanted to do with her was to literally transform her into birds and then for her to reappear in the audience."
— Criss Angel, Über-douchey magician

See Britney at the VMAs: What Could Have Been Pt. 2
See Britney at the VMAs: What Could Have Been Pt. 1

Britney at the VMAs: What Could Have Been Pt. 2

"...I presented concepts to create, within her performance, illusions that would happen in the open. You would see Britney and then she would split into two Britneys and then four Britneys with no boxes or covers. It would just be a visual effect using no screens."
— Criss Angel, Über-douchey magician

See Britney at the VMAs: What Could Have Been Pt. 1

Britney at the VMAs: What Could Have Been Pt. 1

"... I thought of having her levitate over the audience."

— Criss Angel, Über-douchey magician

Preternaturally irritating magician, Criss Angel, has been blabbing to the press about what he had planned for our dear Brit to do at the Video Music Awards instead of the priceless somnambulant non-performance she graced us with. For once, I think Britney actually showed some good judgment by nixing the original routine. The moves he had planned were quite challenging and would have required a lot of concentration and effort, two things that are in short supply in Britney World. (Since there's some great material here, I'm stretching it out over the next three posts.)

Ugly Britty Makes a Run for the Border

After much speculation, it turns out Britney was in Mexico with Adnan Ghalib, her new lolly lickin' pap snappin' svengali. (Try saying that 10 times in a row.) She presumably went south of the border to see if the frapps taste any different (spicy!) and to shop for fake purses. Oh, and to get away from that pesky Dr. Phil.

And AaaaaEeeYiiiiiii Will Always Love You, Dr. Phil

The moment I heard the stunning news that Dr. Phil was taking time out of his busy schedule to help our Britney in her time of need, I immediately thought of the iconic movie poster for The Bodyguard. I know many of you think Dr. Phil is nothing but a big-boned, gummy, bald, windbag and you wouldn't be totally wrong. But, I can't think of anyone better to get the Britney crazy train back on the rails. He should assemble a dream team of television personalities to whip her into shape: no nonsense legal advice from Judge Judy, addiction and sex education from Dr. Drew, much needed parenting tips from Super Nanny, and maybe The Dog Wheeesperer can finally train her to stop peeing on the rug. Hell, they should televise the whole thing! I'd watch (and doodle) every minute of it.

Dr. Doodlewhore Reveals Diagnosis of Britney Spears

All this time I thought I was simply doodling, but really I was diagnosing:

The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines histrionic personality disorder as a pervasive pattern of excessive emotionality and attention seeking, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:

1. is uncomfortable in situations in which he or she is not the center of attention


2. interaction with others is often characterized by inappropriate sexually seductive or provocative behavior


3. displays rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions


4. consistently uses physical appearance to draw attention to self


5. has a style of speech that is excessively impressionistic and lacking in detail


6. shows self-dramatization, theatricality, and exaggerated expression of emotion


7. is suggestible, i.e., easily influenced by others or circumstances


Get well soon, Brit!

On The Twelfth Day of Christmas My Britney Sent to Me...

"Twelve Cameras Flashing"
"Eleven Frapps a Frothing"
"Ten Public Restrooms"
"Nine Weaves a Tangling"
"Eight Judges Ruling"
"Seven Cheetos Crunching"
"Six Pimples Popping"
"Five Dirty Wigs"
"Four Trembling Pups"
"Three Trips to Rehab"
"Two Screaming Babes"
and a "Crotch Shot Without Any Panties"

Well, I did it. Twelve days of Britney. I'm exhausted. I feel a little dirty, used up, and kind of sad after interpreting her chaotic and manic life for so many posts in a row. Finally I can pack and get to the airport to visit my family in Michigan for the next four days. I won't be posting until I return, but I will be checking in, so please keep those comments coming. Every comment you write is like a little shining gift for your Doodle Whore, one that I'd never think of returning or regifting. Here's wishing you, Dear Reader, and Britney a joyous and peaceful holiday surrounded by friends and family. God knows she could use one.

On The Eleventh Day of Christmas My Britney Sent to Me...

"Eleven Frapps a Frothing"
"Ten Public Restrooms"
"Nine Weaves a Tangling"
"Eight Judges Ruling"
"Seven Cheetos Crunching"
"Six Pimples Popping"
"Five Dirty Wigs"
"Four Trembling Pups"
"Three Trips to Rehab"
"Two Screaming Babes"
and a "Crotch Shot Without Any Panties"

On The Tenth Day of Christmas My Britney Sent to Me...

"Ten Public Restrooms"
"Nine Weaves a Tangling"
"Eight Judges Ruling"
"Seven Cheetos Crunching"
"Six Pimples Popping"
"Five Dirty Wigs"
"Four Trembling Pups"
"Three Trips to Rehab"
"Two Screaming Babes"
and a "Crotch Shot Without Any Panties"

On The Ninth Day of Christmas My Britney Sent to Me...

"Nine Weaves a Tangling"
"Eight Judges Ruling"
"Seven Cheetos Crunching"
"Six Pimples Popping"
"Five Dirty Wigs"
"Four Trembling Pups"
"Three Trips to Rehab"
"Two Screaming Babes"
and a "Crotch Shot Without Any Panties"

On The Eighth Day of Christmas My Britney Sent to Me...

"Eight Judges Ruling"
"Seven Cheetos Crunching"
"Six Pimples Popping"
"Five Dirty Wigs"
"Four Trembling Pups"
"Three Trips to Rehab"
"Two Screaming Babes"
and a "Crotch Shot Without Any Panties"

On The Seventh Day of Christmas My Britney Sent to Me...

"Seven Cheetos Crunching"
"Six Pimples Popping"
"Five Dirty Wigs"
"Four Trembling Pups"
"Three Trips to Rehab"
"Two Screaming Babes"
and a "Crotch Shot Without Any Panties"

On The Sixth Day of Christmas My Britney Sent to Me...

"Six Pimples Popping"
"Five Dirty Wigs"
"Four Trembling Pups"
"Three Trips to Rehab"
"Two Screaming Babes"
and a "Crotch Shot Without Any Panties"