More Money, More Problems

UPDATED: Rachel Zoe premieres September 9.

I'm WAY behind on my reality tv watching (back off! I have to compromise a little for the sake of my marriage, okay?), but last night I was able to catch up a bit. I watched the previews for both Real Housewives of Atlanta* and The Rachel Zoe Project. Here are my impressions:

1. The Real Housewives of Atlanta left me feeling completely empty on the inside, which was strange because I have an unusually high tolerance for really shitty tv. I'm wondering if the Real Housewives concept has played out? These women seem intent on nothing but escalating the spending and drama from previous seasons, and everything--including the personalities--is just crazy over-the-top excessive. Almost all of cast members are portraying themselves as exaggerated stereotypes: there's The White Trashy Barbie-Haired Lady Who's Dating a Rich Old Geezer, The Loud Flailing Black Lady, and The Black Diva Bitch Lady. (Deep question: if this is who they really are, then is it a stereotype?) The other two women are married to professional athletes and have waaaay too much money and over-decorated houses and this hurts my eyes. For a more in-depth and witty description of them, please go here.

I'm sorry Bravo, but I may not be able to get on board with this. I'll give it my best shot, but watching this show may not be in the best interests of my Chi.

Moving on . . .

2. I LOVE RACHEL ZOE.


I know! No one is more shocked than I! I had always thought she was just an anorexic sourpuss drug addict, but that is not AT ALL the impression I had last night.

While I've seen Rachel Zoe on Project Runway and in still photos (mostly on Perez and dlisted), I've never seen her in action. She's this teensy tiny person who is loaded down with hair and sunglasses and rings and fur and flowy outfits and she's pretty effing fabulous. She's passionate about her work in a very sweet and refreshing way; she handles stress without going apeshit (are you listening, Jeff Lewis?), and she has wrinkles (just like me!) (but they don't look bad on her because she's so freaking awesome). For the record, I am concerned about her weight and I reserve the right to counsel her on that.

I am jumpy with excitement for this show; stay tuned for a heads-up on when it airs.


Let's hear it: did you watch the preview shows? ( I know they aired about a month ago! Jesus!) What did you think?


*There's no mention of this show on Bravo's website, and my secret source tells me that it's because the show has been pushed back to October.

Britain's Missing Top Model... FOUND!

In case you missed it...we ran a post back on July 7th about the latest model reality show on Britain's BBC entitled "Britain's Missing Top Model".

The show featured eight beautiful women with disabilities {shown above}, competing to prove that they have what it takes to become a mainstream fashion model.

Just like America's Next Top Model, the girls moved into a London flat together where they ate, slept and breathed the modeling/fashion industry over a three-week period. They also went through a series of challenges and photo shoots to "prove" that they have what it takes to become a model. Then, they were eliminated one by one by a panel of "expert" judges. The prize: a fashion spread in the British Marie-Claire Magazine.

With this training and experience, the show claimed the aspiration for the winner to be a foot in the door of the fashion industry...and Danny Cohen, Controller for the BBC Three was quoted as saying...

"This series aims to challenge the artificial boundaries that seem to exist in the beauty and fashion industries. "It would be great if, in the future, we began to see more disabled models gracing the covers of the world's magazines."

Well, the show ended last night and the results are in...{whether we thought the show itself was a good idea or not}.

We congratulate Kelly Knox, 23, of England {shown}. Knox was named the winner last night, and scored a contract with Take 2 Model Management as well as a photo shoot with Marie Claire magazine.


If you remember, most of the comments on my previous post "A New Low or the Next Top Model" were NOT in favour of this show, with most thinking it was some sort of ploy to gain publicity or a segregation of people with disabilities.


Honestly, the show seemed to be a bit of both. But, only time will tell whether Kelly Knox was just amusement for the moment or really the next big thing in the modeling industry.

No matter what, we wish Kelly the very best.

"Slade is a total douchebag"

Hell, YES! Someone had to say it. The words came from David, one of Jo's suitors, who is a caricature of Ari Gold from Entourage. Anyway, who knew you could say "douchebag" on network tv? Not me.

Date my Ex with Jo and Slade is every single bit as awful and fake as we thought it would be. Here are some highlights (or alternately, a manifesto on why you should poke your eyes out rather than watch this show):

1. Jo goes out to lunch with her friends, and incredibly, there is a camera crew there to record Jo complaining about her love life. She's just working so much (who knew that churning out generic pop music could be so time-consuming?) and she's too busy to find a man. When the friends suggest that her ex-fiancee and current manager Slade should help her in her search, she is so shocked that she almost spits out her drink!

Hold the phone, here. Are we to believe that Bravo called up Jo and say, "hey, person-whose-musical-career-is-a-joke, we'd like to follow you around and film you to see if any brilliant ideas for a reality show pop up"? Bullshit. Jo and Slade have been hatching this plan for years. Bravo, shame on you for thinking that we would fall for this.

2. Another unbelievable coincidence: Jo's bff Myia (pronounced Mya--I hate when people spell their own names wrong) just happens to be an amazingly poised Brit who is free to be the show's host.


Notice Jo's baby pout. Get used to it. It accompanies baby talk and is quite possibly one of the most barf-inducing things I've ever watched.

3. Commercials are buffered with Jo's shitty music.

4. This week, four guys moved into "Slade's house," which is almost certainly NOT his house, because his house is in foreclosure (how positively lucky for him that Jo's friends happened to suggest this show!). Jo goes on solo dates with each guy and then picks one to remain in the house with Slade. Apparently more dudes show up later. The specifics of the dates and the men aren't really important, JO IS. For each date, she cakes on the make-up (her eyes are just one big glob of mascara) and pulls out the baby voice. Prior to one date, her suitor sends her a skin-tight dress, and she insists that she can't wear a bra or underwear with it. To most of us, that would be a red flag that the dress is too snug to be worn in public and/or the guy likes his woman to look like a slut.

All of this is lost on Jo. There is a big scene with Jo in her underwear, and her roommate is helping her pull the dress on. Then we see her removing her underwear all sexy-like. Gratuitous. Gross.

5. Ari Gold's pre-date gift is a Louis Vuitton scarf, and he takes her on a helicopter ride over LA. He also calls her a "crossover artist" and is all schmoozy. Hmmm, do you think he is the one who stays? I'll just tell you: YES. Big fucking surprise. Here he is charming Jo's roommate, aka Plan B.


6. Slade is devastated that Ari Gold had such a successful date. He's concerned: "does he want to date Jo, or manage her?" Yeah, 'cause there's so much money in THAT, Mr. Foreclosure! Jesus Christ.

7. Instead of "would you accept this rose," Jo's line at the elimination ceremony is "...but I think that we should just be friends," said with a exaggerated baby pouty face. Hey, nothing like rejecting someone with a cliche. Also, check out her dress that barely covers her cooter:



That's about enough. There's more fakery but I can't even go into it without blood pressure medicine. I am not watching this vile, phoney, self-promoting piece of shit again. Sorry to be such a hater, but it's impossible to be a liker or even a tolerater when it comes to Date my Ex.

I will leave you to ponder this: how on earth did Jo get her own show? She's not particularly likeable or talented. Bravo is pimping this show like crazy, commercials constantly running on Bravo and internet ads everywhere (did you see that it was the background on Perez yesterday?). Her album drops like a big fat turd in August, 2008--it's all just one big infomercial for Jo. WHY? Did she blackmail them somehow? Is her mom a top exec at Bravo? I do not get it.

Bravo, cut your losses and give this show the ax.

Thank God Flipping Out is on tonight.

A New Low or the Next Top Model?

The BBC's latest model reality show "Britain's Missing Top Model" premiered last Tuesday night, featuring eight beautiful women, who happen to have disabilities, competing to prove that they have what it takes to become a mainstream fashion model.
Just like America's Next Top Model, the girls move into a London flat together where they eat, sleep and breathe the modeling/fashion industry over a three-week period, go through a series of challenges and photo shoots to see if they have what it takes to become a model. Then, they get eliminated one by one by a panel of "expert" judges. The winner gets a fashion spread in the British Marie-Claire Magazine.

With this training and experience, the show says the aspiration for the winner is to give her a foot in the door of the fashion industry.

Danny Cohen, Controller for the BBC Three says...

"This series aims to challenge the artificial boundaries that seem to exist in the beauty and fashion industries. "It would be great if, in the future, we began to see more disabled models gracing the covers of the world's magazines."

{ Meet the Girls... }

Jessica Kellgren-Hayes: England, Hereditary disorder which makes one extremely susceptible to injury. Jessica has lost all sensation & movement in her arms. {right}

Debbie van der Putten: Nethlerlands, Arm amputee {left}

Kellie Moody: England, Born deaf {right}

Jenny Johnson: Seattle, USA, Left partially paralyzed from a car accident {left}

Kelly Knox: England, Born without a left forearm {right}

Rebecca Le'gon: England, Leg Amputee {left}

Sophie Morgan: England, Paraplegic, paralyzed form the waist down & confined to a wheel chair {right}

Lilli Risner: England, Born profoundly deaf {left}

Disabled models aren't necessarily a new thing...designers such as Alexander McQueen have used them on the runway in the past and the girls on the show seem to enjoy all the attention, makeovers and shoots. But, is this a new low for producers in a desperate attempt for ratings??

Or, is this actually a show that represents the disabled in a positive light and offers them an experience they might not have otherwise?

The jury is still out...

Mini Review for Hell's Kitchen (but mostly just a comment about how I would love to shoot Gordon Ramsay with a tranquilizer gun)

Okay, how has Gordon Ramsay not suffered a massive stroke or heart attack? I watched the last 20 minutes of Hell's Kitchen tonight and was terrified by this man. He may look like the slow-witted but kindly cook at a small town Denny's, but he is perhaps the most high strung and abusive person I have ever seen in my life. HE SHOUTED THE ENTIRE TIME. Not an "I'm a loud talker" shout but more of an "you are too stupid to live and I'd love to stab you through the heart 437 times" scream. I flinched everytime he made a sudden move because I thought he was going to hit someone or place their hand on a burner.

Also, if anyone were to ever play a game based upon drinking every time he says fuck (or any variation thereof), they would be dead of alcohol poisoning before the show is over. He's worse than the whole Osborne family put together. Half of the words spoken on this show are bleeped out.

If you've ever watched Hell's Kitchen, speak up. What do you think?

"Just because you love Speedos doesn't make you gay"

Yes, but it does mean that you're either a Euro, a douche, or a competitive swimmer. Or gay.

The quote above is from Andy Cohen, the openly gay host of the Real Housewives of New York reunion show, who also told Simon, "I have great gaydar and it's not pinging for you." So it's settled. Simon is not homosexual, he's just a (pseudo) Euro-douche. Don't feel badly if you misjudged him; (pseudo) Euro-douche is often mistaken for gay.

Here are the highlights from the "Lost Footage" episode.

1. It is revealed that Jill went to college! I would have bet money that she did not, simply because she appears unnerved by people with lots of education. I need more info, Jill! Did you graduate? What was your major? If I'm going to psychoanalyze you on the blog (and co-star with you--yay!), I'm going to need some details.

2. Ramoner acts like an asshole again. The first time (in this episode anyway) is at Jill's party in the Hamptons where 'Moner makes a stink about seating. It's a BUFFET, you idiot! You get your food and you sit down at an available seat. For some reason, Ramoner could simply not wrap her brain around this concept.

Ramoner is the first one to leave the party, and Jill's all "don't let the door hit you on the ass." Ramoner explains her hasty departure with her trademark double-talk. First it was "I was tired" and then there was the buggy-eyed shrug "I wasn't stimulated enough." Might I suggest electroshock therapy? I've heard it's very stimulating.

3. Luann and the Count play tennis, and the Count engages in behavior that Luann describes as "competitive," which is really code for "bordering on abusive." Simmer down, Count!

4. Jill's birthday! There really are no words to describe the intricacies of the Jill-Bobby-Brad gift giving process, but I will try to break it down for you.

a) Jill orders a gift for herself at a store.

b) She meets with Brad (gay husband) and tells him to lead Bobby (real husband) to the gift which Jill has previously ordered.

c) Brad keeps insisting "don't you want some lingerie? I'm great at picking out lingerie!" Finally Jill says "why are you obsessed with tits now? Are you sure you're gay?" It is a funny moment.

d) Bobby takes Jill to a very fancypants restaurant and they both know there's going to be major gift giving but they're both pretending to be oblivious.

e) Jill ORDERS FOOD FOR GINGER at a fancypants restaurant.


f) Bobby gives her lingerie.

g) Jill tells the camera about how she doesn't want fucking lingerie!

h) Bobby gives her the $53,960 watch she had picked out for herself. He was onto her the whole time!

i) Then he gives her $6500 earrings.

j) Then they go home, and wild crazy sex is insinuated, which was an icky mental picture for me. (But I still love you Jill!)

5) Simon is shown shopping for the earrings he gave Alex on her birthday at sea. He acts totally gay.



6) Ramoner is beyond annoying again. She dresses like a complete dominatrix to chaperone Avery's school dance and comes home to tell Mario about it. The whole conversation is SO FAKE and filled with kissing and weird relationship platitudes.

7) Bethennnnnnny goes out to lunch with ex-fiance Larry, and his glowing happiness with his new family totally bums her out.

8) Luann and her family go to visit the Statue of Liberty and are completely insufferable for numerous reasons. But I have to tell you, despite her snobbery, Luann is so gorgeous. I always give a little gasp when I see her.

9) Jill attends a protest of Iran's president (no way in hell I'm going to try to spell his name) speaking at Columbia. She hears the Israeli national anthem and gets choked up. It was quite touching. Team Jill, baby. Forever!


10) Alex is also insufferable as she takes Francois to art class. She calls him "incredibly well-behaved," which kind of clashes with the images of him bouncing off of the walls and screaming at his teachers. The teachers say that Francois has a "lot of energy" but there is a totally obvious undertone of "he is a spoiled brat and it's everything we can do to not smack him and his mom."

11) At another Hampton's party, Jill uses the term "bff" and Luann says "what does bff mean?" What are you, 80?


12) More reunion highlights with additional footage of Ramoner going nuts on Simon and Alex at the infamous Jill dinner party. Even Bravo prefaces the scenes with a "Ramona vs. Alex and Siomn, Continued Verbal Assault" screen shot thingy because she was so completely out of control. Ramoner, you make me want to pull my hair out!



This is waaaaaay long and I apologize, but I have missed this show. Flipping Out starts up again on June 17 and let's all cross our fingers that a Real Housewives of any variety will soon follow. Please, Bravo. PLEASE.

Your tv watching assignment

1. Workout on Bravo.

Have you seen this show? Filled with unprofessional work relationships, petty arguments, impromptu and unwelcome counseling sessions, gorgeous bodies and Hot Lesbian Action (HLA)--it's begging to be recapped. It's on tonight, same time and place as Real Housewives of NYC. If tonight is your first time watching, you're going to be joining mid-season, so just go with the flow (trust me, it's not that complicated) and I'll do my best to give you some background tomorrow.

An SGM warning: the gorgeous bodies and HLA are a potent cocktail for the heterosexual male. If you want some of the sex tonight, then watch this with the hetero man of your choice and YOU WILL GET SOME. I can pretty much guarantee that you'll be slapping his hands off of your person within 2 minutes of Jackie (pictured above) making out with her girlfriend or any of her female employees.

If you don't want any sexual contact, then you must watch this by yourself or with women who are not your mother or mother-in-law.

2. Intervention on A&E

I will not be covering this show because this documentary-style show about addiction is not that funny, but it is absolutely riveting and I'd like to hear what everyone thinks of it. Last week they showed the most beautiful woman (well, not so much anymore) who was an alcoholic in the process of hitting rock bottom. She looked to be from a well-off Southern family and had been a successful interior designer until her second marriage fell apart and her drinking became out of control. She was such a wreck that she lost custody of her kids Britney-style (supervised visits only at the discretion of her ex). Even though I come from a family with more than its fair share of alcoholics, it is fascinating to see addiction up close like this--to see how the addict thinks and how the people close to the addict react.

I'm also captivated by the role of the camera crew on this show. On the show about the interior designer, the camera person was in the car while the woman was chugging vodka and driving. When she was falling down drunk at a bar, the producer called for a family member to pick her up and then they filmed her getting out of the car, weaving around and then falling over and passing out on her gravel driveway (ouch). Do they just say "cut!" and then walk off? I think they do (and for the record, that's okay in my book), but the whole ethical/moral aspect of all of this makes my brain hurt--in a good and beneficial way.

Those of you who read this blog on a regular basis know how shallow I am, especially when it comes to tv. I'm not a person who likes sad shows or shows which require any amount of introspection or thought. But this is different! Check here to see when it's on (personally I like to watch it after The Hills because it kind of balances me out) and you will be mortified and you might even cry, but then you'll feel better at the end when the intervention happens and the person (usually) gets help.


That's it! Now get cracking with the tv watching and report back tomorrow for a full recap of Workout.

I may never get off the couch again

Everyone has totally already scooped me on this, but I thought you needed to hear it from me too. According to everyone in the whole gd world, Bravo is bringing back Real Housewives of Orange County for a fourth season, Real Housewives of NYC for a second season and there will be a new Housewives series set in New Jersey.* !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Also coming back: Flipping Out 2 (woo hoo!), Project Runway 5 (before it moves to Lifetime) and Tim Gunn's Guide to Style 2 (before he moves to Lifetime too, and Tim, please tell me that you've ditched Veronica Webb). Project Runway 5 will premiere in July, but no word on when the others are going to air.

New shows include that awful Date my Ex, featuring poseurs Jo and Slade from Real Housewives of Orange County and a Rachel Zoe reality show.

Stockpile your food, clear your schedules--or better yet--quit your job, because there's a whole lotta tv watchin' to do!



*Someone tried desperately to tip me off to this in the comments of the Real Housewives NYC finale post, but I thought it was a joke--a hilarious joke. I mean, really! The accents! I may be forced to watch this show through closed captioning.

Concerning tv

1. I am calling it now: Daisy is going to win Rock of Love 2. While I like the other contender, Ambre, she's more suited to being my insurance agent than being Bret Michael's babe. She's trying--I'll give her that--but am I the only one who is totally uncomfortable seeing her in a belly shirt and two-tone hair? Dude, that's like seeing ME in a belly shirt and two-tone hair, and that's just wrong. If you want to see more of Ambre trying to be someone she isn't, check out her topless photo (she's covering her boobs with her arms) on her myspace. Yikes.


On a related note, I am hoping that my daughter (now age 3) will not audition for Rock of Love 19.

2. Did anyone catch the Kardashian's E! True Hollywood Story? My husband shamed me out of watching it.

3. I have no intention of watching former "Bachelor" Bob Guiney's new show on TLC. Just so you know.


4. Do you read Gawker's Real Housewives of NYC commentary? You should. Gawker states that someone tried to sell them nude photos of our dear Alex McCord Von Bad Teeth Kempen. There's only one reaction to that:

The Hills: Who knew?

Who knew that Lauren was a hop-on-the-back-of-a-vespa-with-a-
stranger-in-the-freezing-rain-with-your-borrowed-expensive-ball
-gown-bunched-up-in-your-lap kind of girl? On one hand, I thought "you're going to ruin your (second) beautiful gown, dumbass!" but on the other hand I thought "way to be young and adventurous, Lauren!" Especially considering the fact that she was not romantically interested in Mr. Vespa--did you see how she was trying to avoid any sort of face-closeness when he dropped her off?

[in French accent] "Lauren! Wait! Oh. Um, bye."

I tell you, there was a lot to like about Lauren on the new episode of The Hills last night. For example, she hemmed her fancy Ferretti gown in order to wear it to a dressy club (where t-shirts and flannel are apparently considered dressy. Oh God, I sound like my mother). If it would have been me, I would have zipped out to the nearest Parisian boutique and bought something off the rack. But not millionaire tv star Lauren; she just whips out the ol' needle and thread. Also, her tears over ruining said ball gown--so sweet. If Heidi would have been in the same situation and cameras weren't rolling, she would have called down to the concierge and screamed "this is Heidi Montag and I need a new fucking ball gown in 10 fucking minutes or heads are going to fucking ROLL, Pierre!" Then she would have slammed the phone down and gone back to looking at her boobs in the mirror.


Which brings us to Heidi . . . . boo freakin' hoo is about all I have to say. It was nice to see her abuse Spencer last night, but it seemed very contrived, just like everything else they do together. If she really didn't want to see him, he wouldn't have been invited out to dinner with her parents (how awkward was that, btw); he would have been in a hotel waiting for the next flight out. I might have applauded Heidi for a move like that, but she's obviously taken the mega-douche back and that can never be applauded.

One last thing: Whitney Port is so beautiful and chic! Lauren's cute, but next to the glowing Whitney, she looked too tan and even a bit swarthy. Ooh, also loved the Paris scenery as well as the Frenchie music (my favorite song, which was also in the finale of Sex and the City, can be found here).

Did you watch? What did you think?

P.S. My recap of this show will not be a regular thing; it will appear only at my whim because I don't want be committed to re-living the Heidi and Spencer fakery every week.

Fire up your tvs

because The Hills returns tonight!


Awww, doesn't this photo just warm your heart? The wholesome goodness that is Heidi and Spencer fills me with joy. Can't wait to see what these sweet kids have been up to--I haven't seen Heidi on the cover of Us Weekly for two whole weeks!

Willpower like you've never seen

It took EVERYTHING I HAD not to buy this today. I'll be damned if Heidi and Spencer are going to make me break my spending hiatus with their fake stories about cheating as a new season of The Hills is about to begin. Heidi, leave this a-hole, already! God!

Can You Handle It?

Yet another gd post about a Bravo reality show (and also this photo of MK and VB chumming it up--love it)? This one is about Christian's win on Project Runway, and how terribly annoying my husband was during the final episode. My husband deserves a name, don't you think? Let's call him The Jock for now.

Scene 1: Christian's show

SGM: Ooooooh! Ooooooooooh!

The Jock: Please. You would not wear that in a million years. That's crap. I could do better. Get me a sewing machine!

SGM: Ooooooh, I love the hats.

The Jock: You just want him to win because you like his personality. If you didn't know whose clothes these were, you would hate them. Is Rami gay? If you were a lesbian, would you do Posh? Would you do Heidi?

SGM: So much black, but I like it!

The Jock: Seriously, would you do Posh? Why are there so many feathers? Everything has FEATHERS! No one wears feathers in real life! This is such bullshit! Blah blah blah....

Scene 2: Christian is announced as the winner

The Jock: Blah blah blah! blah blah blah blah FEATHERS!

SGM: Would you please be quiet for 5 seconds so I can hear?

The Jock: BLAH! Blah blah blah [for the next five minutes].

I didn't hear any of the exchange between Christian and Victoria Beckham, and I really didn't get to experience any of the pleasure of Christian winning because of the constant yammering in my ear. Good for you, Christian! I really did like your collection best, even if I wouldn't wear an ombre feather gown in real life. Did anyone else feel like VB was struggling to find descriptive words during the critique part? I remembered that she has never read a book in her life and I kind felt sorry for her with her canned little phrases.

One more thing--everyone was raving about Rami's woven pieces:


but they reminded me too much of this


and that made me feel


My undying gratitude to Petunia Face for this lovely photo

April 3 is Unacceptable

[SGM, in a bikini top and cut-offs, screaming drunkenly in a Jersey accent]

"Listen up, you NBC mother-[bleepers]! I had to find out through a [bleeping] commercial that my regular Thursday night line-up won't [bleeping] resume until April 3? What a bunch of [bleeping bleeps]! Who's in control, you or the [bleeping] writers who [bleep] your tranny asses every night? April 3 ain't doing it for me, o-[bleeping]-kay? If I don't get some real [bleeping] tv soon, I will beat your [bleeping bleep] so hard that you will be begging me to let you clean the [bleeping] toilets on the set of Flavor of Love 3."*


*Note to NBC: This is what happens when real tv shows are taken away and one has no choice but to watch reality tv all of the time. I learned how to do some serious incoherent trash-talking, binge drinking and boobie-flashing while you sat around in your cushy offices "negotiating." You have created this monster, and if The Office and 30 Rock do not resume by March 13, I will come to your offices and go white-trash nutty on all y'all.

As Vanessa from A Shot at Love (pictured above) said during an interview in Episode 5, "just [bleeping] respect me" (I know I bashed this show previously, but I needed to make a point about gross reality tv and nothing is more gross (grosser?) than A Shot at Love).

Is no one going to mention it?

How Tim Gunn said "effing" on Project Runway's Chris-Rami showdown the other night? As in "that's a heavy effing coat," Rami?

If the cameras were off, do you think he would have said "Rami, this f*cking coat looks like it's made of f*cking lead. What the f*ck were you thinking? Make it f*cking work!"

I'll settle for effing. Much more gentlemanly, and just another reason to love him with all of my heart.

p.s. Speaking of effing: Blogger, what the eff is your problem? I can't handle the spacing problems.

Are you watching enough reality tv?

I'm worried that you're not. Getting ahead in the business world (and life in general) means being able to use cultural references and speak about them intelligently. You cannot do this without being well-versed in reality tv. For example, imagine having dinner with some important clients when the subject of restraining orders and Kristy Jo (Rock of Love 2) comes up. You'll need to understand and contribute to what is being said.* It could be the difference between a cubicle and a corner office, or as reality tv watchers would say, the difference between that idiot Kendra from The Girls Next Door and Tim Gunn on Project Runway.

Are you concerned that you didn't fully understand that last sentence? Don't worry. I have a short quiz that will determine whether you are deficient in your reality tv viewing.


REALITY STAR IDENTIFICATION QUIZ

1. Give yourself 1 point for identifying this woman by name, and 1 point if you think she is too cute to be with that dude who got her knocked up.


2. One point for this man's first name. Hint: he's a douche and he has an awful accent, yet I'd probably do him if I were single.


3. One point for first name, another point for last name. Hint: look for him to be on Celebrity Rehab 2. Just kidding, Jeffrey (oops! freebie for you), and I would totally wear your clothes if I could pull off the rocker chick look in the 'burbs.


4. For most of you, this will be an easy one. One point for her first name and one point (to be awarded in the future) if you can predict when her marriage will end. For the record, I hope it's not anytime soon. I'm rooting for you, girl!


5. One point for identifying this guy by name. Give yourself another point if you find him crazy attractive even though he's mean and unattainable (gay).


6. Give yourself one point for identifying him by name. Also give yourself a point if you at least said to yourself "Oh! I know him. He's that little person on that TLC show who was arrested for drunk driving and I can't wait to see how that shit went down!"


7. One point for her first and last name, another point if you can tell me whether her first name starts with a "K" or a "C." Hint: she's the mama of the massive badonkadonk.


8. Last one! One point if you know her (stage) name; minus one point if you have watched her show. I am not one to judge a person's tv watching, but really. You should not be watching this ode to Jerry Springer. It is beneath you.



Congratulations! You have completed your testing. Answers are as follows (don't cheat because you're only cheating yourself):

1. Kat Von D from LA Ink

2. CT from The Real World, Paris and countless Real World-Road Rules challenges.

3. Jeffrey Sebelia, Project Runway Season 3 villain and winner.

4. Lauri Waring from Real Housewives of Orange County.

5. Jeff Lewis from Flipping Out.

6. Matt Roloff from Little People Big World.

7. Kris (Kardashian) Jenner from Keeping Up with the Kardashians. With a "K," just like the rest of the women in her family.

8. Tila Tequila. A link is not necessary.


Scoring:

There are 13 possible points.

If you scored anywhere from 10 - 13, congratulations! Are you the CEO of your company yet? Your reality tv knowledge is excellent.

If your score was below 10, don't be discouraged; I can help! You could really benefit from my upcoming post "The Essential Guide to Reality TV Watching."


So? How well did you do?



* An appropriate thing to say in this situation would be "she looks normal but she is one crazy bitch! Why is Brett keeping her around?" You can say "bitch" if the setting is casual, but use your own judgment. Another option would be to say "bleep."