Happy Thanksgiving!

DW is wearing his extra stretchy sweatpants and stuffing his face today, but he's itching to blog The Hills latest episode. How cute was Whitney? Yep, it's love. Doodle Whore officially loves Whitney more than ever now. And he even felt a teeny, tiny twinge of pity for Heidi and her unfortunate predicament of being "engaged" to a megadouche. For a horse face, she's actually been looking pretty cute lately. Oh dear. It must be the tryptophan talking if DW is feeling sympathy for Heidi... Ok. Time to crack open another Red Bull eat again.

Celebrity Turkey Series: The Paris

Paris Hilton has thrust herself into the spotlight over the years to tantalize all five of your senses, dear reader. You can see her sex tape, hear her smash cd, touch her golden hair extensions, and smell like her Can Can. But what about taste? Finally, the wait is over. Doodle Whore proudly presents to you: That's HOT! a Paris Hilton Rotisserie. It's the sexiest way possible to cook a variety of poultry and meats (far more erotic than a crummy George Foreman grill for sure). Ogle your turkey as it cooks and twirls around a sizzling hot brass stripper pole while Paris' hit single Stars Are Blind plays through the built in speakers. Now that's hot. Happy Thanksgiving!

PS Check out Pretty on the Outside's brilliant take on Ms. Hilton on the pole!

Celebrity Turkey Series: The Candy Spelling

Screw Rachel Ray. Doodle Whore gets his cooking tips from Candy Spelling. When she's not doling out advice to Britney via The Huffington Post, she's more than happy to share her kitchen wisdom with the unwashed masses:

Why spoil a perfectly good turkey with proletarian Stove Top stuffing? It's just as easy (and far more glamorous) to have your chef use emeralds, rubies, and diamonds instead. Top it off with a bejeweled crown for an opulent Thanksgiving fit for a queen!

You're welcome,
Candy

Celebrity Turkey Series: The Britney

Your entire family will be saying, "Gimme, gimme, more" when you serve this impudently shameless turkey this Thanksgiving.

1. Arrange turkey in reckless, provocative position on platter.
   
2. Stuff liberally with Cheetos (or any other snack food readily available at your local gas station convenience store.)
   
3. Serve with a side of cigarettes and Red Bull. If your dinner is more formal, add a straw to the can for extra sophistication.

Bon appetite, bitch!