The Hills Deconstructed: The Hills Have Eyes

Bulging, shifty, side-eyes a plenty. I have to give props to those crafty MTV editors for turning Lo, Audrina, and Lauren's awkward lunch into a tour de force of straw slurping, eye rolling, and pregnant pauses. Oh, Audrina. I can't imagine you really want to move in with these two passive aggressive drama queens, do you? Just do what the script is screaming for you to do: move in with Heidi! Preferably, in the mansion right next door to Lo and Lauren. Then I want Spencer to move out of Stephanie's apartment and into a big ugly RV and park it on the lawn so he can keep an eye on Heidi (and piss in Lauren's bushes).

The LA Times just published an open letter to whiny grudge-holder Lauren here.

Read all of my in depth The Hills analysis here.

The Hills Deconstructed: Heidi's apology

I know this episode was all about Heidi's big mea culpa to LC, but I was simply mesmerized by her perfectly feathered hair of gold. I wanted her to whip it around in slow motion like in those shampoo commercials from the 70's.