Dear Harvard,

Hi! You have probably heard of me--I'm the (unofficial) new cast member of The Real Housewives of New York City. In order to cement my position, I need a high-powered job. Coincidentally, Harvard needs someone to retool its stuffy, elitist image into one of acceptance and educational innovation. I propose a partnership that will make Harvard relevant again as well as give me the respected teaching position I need for my reality show. How, you ask? By offering an in-depth class exploring the work of Kanye West.

The name of the course will be called Kanye 411, and I am uniquely qualified to teach it. I will get to the course description and a sample lecture in a moment, but first I'd like to show you my teacher outfit:

Smart and sexy, in a very understated way. It's all part of the vision I have for the new Harvard.

Here is my proposed class description:

Kanye 411
A historical and critical study of the major concepts of the work of Kanye West. Particular attention will be given to the lyrics of Gold Digger and Stronger, and the dangers of listening to Kanye at the gym.

The class will be an upper level course available to students pursuing degrees in the fields of philosophy, cultural studies and fresh-ass hip-hop (which is a new department that I will recommend be created). I believe in lots of student participation, mentally and physically, as evidenced by the following sample lecture:

Discussion and Analysis of Roboto Voice and Kate Moss Reference in Stronger

Kanye 411
Dr. SGM
Harvard University, Fall 2008

I. Watch Stronger video



II. Do you want to jump out of the building with joy every time you hear the roboto voice at the beginning of Stronger? Why?

A. Origins of roboto voice

1. Robots

2. Styx

B. Students will be asked to mimic roboto voice and also do futuristic dancing.

III. "Let's get lost tonight; you can be my black Kate Moss tonight"

A. The meaning of "let's get lost tonight"

1. figurative or literal?

2. a veiled reference to the show "Lost"

3. in the context of Kanye's life at the time

a. expressing need to not be famous

b. expressing need to get really drunk/high, which leads into . . .

B. The meaning of "you can be my black Kate Moss tonight." Is he giving permission or assigning a role?

1. What would being "black Kate Moss" entail? Drug use, killer clothes, model attitude?

2. Would you consent/agree to being his black Kate Moss? Why or why not?

3. Does the thought of being Kanye's black Kate Moss kind of turn you on?

IV. Homework essay--500 words--

Do you think that Kanye would hook up with the real Kate Moss? Support your answer with lyrics from any of Kanye's songs and the work of Perez Hilton.

V. The End


I am in the process of obtaining Kanye as a guest speaker and possible adjunct professor for the Kanye 501 class "Big is Best: Egos in Modern Day Hip-Hop". Talk about increasing your number of applicants! His connection with your university could also help with your fundraising efforts.

My salary requirements at this point would be in the $300,000 range, but my fee for this idea and image make-over is negotiable. Please contact me as soon as possible so that we may discuss this in more detail over the phone. I look forward to working with such a distinguished and venerated university. Let's make history!


Very Truly Yours,


Dr. SGM


P.S. Sorry about the gd formatting for my outline. Blogger is not cooperating!


cc: Kanye West