Lucky Magazine and the French Revolution

This has been the main feature on Lucky's website for a few days now, and every time I see it, I think I must be hallucinating:


I can't even process the fact that we are supposed to be clamoring to win an outfit from Target.

Nothing against Target. Who doesn't love Target? I own clothes from Target and I understand that Jonathan Saunders is a big deal. But if I bought this outfit at a store, it would be tossed in a dirty cart with my Velveeta and toilet paper. WTF, Lucky? You feature luxury items in your magazine and get your readers drooling, but then when it's time for Lucky Breaks, you go all Marie Antoinette* on everyone by offering a chance at a Target outfit? WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM? You are SO asking for the guillotine. Or at the very least, a paper shredder.

In other news, I am emotionally devastated over my loss of The Most Perfect Mirror Ever on ebay. Like, seriously, I can't even write about it because my heart will fall out of my chest and onto the floor. WHY, God? Why does the sneaky and mysterious h**w now own my mirror?!

I'm going to eat some Halloween candy right now and try to make some sense of my life. Have a lovely night. Or day. Whatever. I love you.



*By the way, I did read her biography and I know that her reputation for excess might not be deserved and that she never said "let them eat cake." But this is her legacy, and please just let me have my reference to French culture here.

Oh no . . .

*UPDATED*


Lucky's Cute Outfit of the Day for May 22

This is Julie, the ACCESSORIES DIRECTOR at Lucky.

[this is where I close my eyes, pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh heavily]

Someone shut this place down already. Jesus!

*Head on over to Mamacita's to see some serious magical genius concerning Lucky's Cute Outfit of the Day. You will not be disappointed. *

Did you honestly think I would let this slide, Lucky?

Lucky's Cute Outfit of the Day, April 23, 2008

Please.

This could be the cute outfit of the day at a progressive mid-western convent in the 1970s, but not at the office of a major fashion magazine.

Conde Nast, I urge you to look into mandatory drug testing for the staff at Lucky.

Inside the mind of a Lucky staffer

"Okay, WHY did they pick me today?! Is this some sort of joke? Isn't it obvious that I woke up late and still drunk? HELLO, I put a belt around my neck. Thank God my little sister left her jean skirt at my apartment or else I'd be wearing the jeans I wore last night, and that has Jaeger all over it. Fuck! Last night my hair looked like Whitney Port's but now it just looks flat and reeks of smoke. I feel like I'm going to throw up . . . oh, God, maybe if I put my arm in front of my stomach I won't barf in front of my boss. No! I will not smile. The only thing you're getting is my bitchface because I am NOT amused. Are you finished yet? Good. I'll be in the bathroom."

Lucky's Cute Outfit of the Day

Really?

This was Lucky's outfit of the day on February 25 (sorry, I'm a little behind on my Lucky bashing). Hmm. I think my sad-faced Mormon neighbor was wearing this when I saw her outside pruning her perennials yesterday.

Always on the edge, Lucky. Don't hurt yourself.

Good fun at Lucky's expense

Despite my long-standing (4 month) feud with Lucky magazine*, I occasionally visit its website to see if I'm missing anything. Every once in a while, something cute will catch my eye and I'll consider reconciling with Lucky. I had a moment like that when I saw Rachel Bilson on the cover of the most recent issue (love her!).

When will I ever learn? Just when I start to trust Lucky again, it does something stupid. Behold, Lucky's new "contest":

I know that I have consciously felt sorry for the poor fashion writer who has to describe similar-looking shoes in 52 different yet appealing ways. Apparently Lucky feels badly for that person too, so they want us to do the work with only a slim chance of meager compensation, lots of limits on the words you can use, and no health insurance. The nerve! Check out the rules:

I swear that every single issue of Lucky that I've ever seen has included all of those banned words and phrases, am I right? Also, these are the only two rules. There's no info about when it's due or whether the "winner" will get credit for her captions. I love all of this vagueness! Lucky is such a great boss!

Lucky has balls. Big balls, my friends and it deserves to be knocked down a notch. Here's my plan: no one on the earth enters the contest except for me, and then Lucky will be forced to accept my captions or make its own gd employee do her own gd work. It's brilliant, isn't it?

This is a sample of what I will be submitting (click to enlarge):


Peep-toe slingbacks:


Satin platforms:


You know, that was actually very fun (apologies to the innocent shoes). Forget my plan, all of us should make up ridiculous captions and submit them. Then Lucky will pay a real employee to read our entertaining yet useless entries.

Lucky, thank you for this opportunity to make fun of you yet again. No hard feelings, huh? It's all in whimsical blingy adorable really cool fun.


*Lucky's transgressions are as follows:
1. Treats subscribers as if they've had lobotomies
2. Is cruel to its own staff (who incidentally have no clue)
3. Had Nicole Richie on its cover at her skinniest
4. Encourages readers to look like hookers