A message to my hairdresser

Hi Monica!

How's it going? I am so sorry that I had to cancel on you two weeks ago. As I said on my message, my oldest was barfing and there was just no way I could come in. I know I've canceled on you something like 3 times in the past 4 months, and I feel terribly about it. I swear I'm not A Canceler, but I'm sure you don't want to hear all of my excuses.

The truth is, I'm wondering if it's time we broke up. I'm sitting here with my roots grown out 1.5 inches, and my hair is dreadfully long and stringy, yet I haven't called you. Know why? Because I'm scared. I'm afraid you're going to punish me like you did last time and not get me in for 3 more weeks. I can't wait 3 weeks!

You know I love hearing about your ex-husband and your psychic and your on-and-off relationship with the guy who was built, as you put it, like "a brick shithouse." I'm not being sarcastic--I really do enjoy it. But lately you've been so quiet. My mother-in-law (who also goes to you) is telling me gossip that I should have heard from you. It's getting obvious that you're not that into me, and I think it shows in my hair. You haven't suggested anything helpful in at least a year; it's always "I think you should keep growing it out," and "let's stick with this color." I've needed some hair guidance lately, and you haven't been there for me. In fact, I feel like lately you've been giving me suburban hair. I'm not saying that you're doing it intentionally, but just that your usual effort isn't there.

I will never forget how you rescued me from my last hairdresser. It was so dysfunctional, the way that she would ask me what I wanted and then just do whatever the hell she wanted to do. I would say "I'd like to go a little warmer with my color," and she'd say "you mean cooler?" and I'd say "no, warmer." And then I'd leave with black hair, looking like an old, pathetic Goth. Do you remember that when I called you for the first time, desperate for some color correction, you got me in that day?

No doubt about it, we had some good times. Have I ever told you that most people think that my fake color is my real color? Yes, you are fantastic with the color. I'm afraid that I'll have to go through many colorists to find one as skilled as you, and this gives me much anxiety. However, I know in my heart that our relationship has run its course. It's been a great 3 years, but we both need to move on.

I wish you all the best in your future hair endeavors and I promise I will not talk shit about you to my new person.

Fondly,

SGM