"GO BIG OR GO HOME"

The quote is from Bethenny, of course. Leave it up to the Real Housewives of New York City to keep it real--no sugar coating on this reunion show and it was beautiful! Let's get started with Ms. Crazypants herself!

1. Ramoner. You are so fucking crazy. Like, Danny Bonaduce and Janice Dickinson should come to you for crazy lessons because you could teach them a thing or two about being totally insane, not to mention contradictory and delusional. Holy shit, girl--one of the viewer questions to you was "what are you on?" I wish you would have answered because whatever it is, we all need to stay far, far away from it.


My very favorite part of tonight was when Alex was asked about her nude photos and Ramoner, you were so offended by Alex's photos that you indignantly stormed off of the set, but not before totally spreading your legs in your effort to get up from the sofa. This is the essence of you, Ramoner, and I'm thrilled it was captured so beautifully. Simon then drove the point home by saying that your disapproval was kind of hypocritical considering your penchant for dressing like a prostitute and grinding against strangers on the dance floor. Good one, my man.

My second favorite part was when the host asked if you cringed over anything in the show. You bring up the dinner party, another gathering in which you left abruptly and rudely with no plausible explanation. I must admit, I thought an apology was coming but NO, because that would be the act of rationality. You launched into a another set of excuses: 1) you had a family member who was very ill and you needed to be with girls (or something like that; I didn't quite understand the raving) and 2) you had told Jill in advance that you couldn't stay the whole time; a statement which was pretty much called a lie by Jill and Bethenny, who had heard the conversation. This was when you should have said a straight-up "I'm sorry" but again, that would be denying the crazy, and you don't want to do that. So, you dig yourself deeper by continuing to defend your atrocious manners, saying that Jill and Bethenny, the two nicest and most honest people on the show, conspired to set you up to look bad. When they try to defend themselves, you interrupt with something like "I'm trying to apologize [insert screaming, flailing and buggy eyes], why are you attacking me?!" Uh, what?

You're nuts. Entertaining, but nuts.

2. Bethenny and Jill. I'm lumping you two girls together because you both brought the funny and the tough questions tonight. Swear to God, the two of you have a future in investigative journalism or maybe even law enforcement.

Jill, my modern day Yenta, I really like you. It took me awhile, but I'm finally on Team Jill (but don't hold your breath on my t-shirt order). I still reserve the right to make fun of your website for its general cheesiness and especially for "Jill's coincidences," but overall I think you're all right. You're down-to-earth and clearly have a good heart. You're also not afraid to challenge people who start talking out of their asses.


You not only cut short Alex and Simon when they were trying to claim that they weren't social climbers (HA!), but you used the phrase "ripped him a new one" when confronting Ramoner about her treatment of Simon at tour infamous dinner party. I wish I could have seen the Countess' face on that one!

For the record, I forgive you for walking out of the Luca Luca show and applaud you for not punching Ramoner in the face when she was screaming (she's always screaming) about how you were lying about it.

Bethenny, darling! You didn't let anyone get away with any waffling or lame excuses tonight and I really appreciated that. I think you should host all reality show reunions in the future because you call people to the carpet, girl! You also owned everything you said to the camera and didn't back down from it. You called Alex pretentious and her actions gauche to her face. Yes! When Alex and Simon were trying to convince everyone that they were misrepresented on the high society front, you called bullshit on that. Simon said "I think you're misunderstanding . . ." and you say "no I'm not, I'm a pretty smart girl"--LOVED IT. Good luck to you with Jason and everything else, my friend. I wish the best for you.

3. Countess. My opinion of you has not changed. I still think you're incredibly condescending. Love how you deflected Rosanna's criticism of your parenting by saying she was referring to the Count. Is that what she eventually confessed to while you dangled her over the balcony of your Park Avenue townhome?


You mentioned tonight that so many people had come to you for advice about manners that you are in the process of writing a book on etiquette. Is it proper etiquette to correct someone's pronunciation of a word with a "could you be any more stupid" laugh? Maybe in the case of Ramoner it is, but I hope you don't do that to regular people. You might also want to make a note that ending a sentence with "darling" or "sweetheart" such as "that's just the way it is, sweetheart" is really not being kind or softening a blow. It's more of an obvious substitute for "you retard."

4. Alex. Oh, you were trying so hard to play it cool tonight! It was painful to watch you deny your social aspirations in light of your words and actions asserting the exact opposite throughout every single episode this season. Pretty much everyone on the set called you out on this, as they should have. It's clear that you realized how desperate you and Simon appeared and that you were trying for some damage control. Your explanations, when they didn't fall flat, just seemed full of . . . nothing. Just a lot of "blah blah blah."

In regard to your hovel of a home, I did think that everyone was kind of harsh. You are in the middle of a renovation. It's supposed to look like a hovel. The futon and cheap particle board furniture--now that's where the attack should have been focused. Total high five to the Countess, though, for saying "maybe you should spend less money on Cavalli and more on your house." Woo! I also wish you would have talked more about your Playboy audition photos. Jill and Bethenny were asking you some tough questions about your "down south Florida" pictures before Ramoner stole the spotlight. Damn Ramoner.

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On the OC reunion shows, everyone tries to make nice and defend each other. Not NYC! These bitches called each other out over and over with lots of shouting, and yet everyone seemed to still be friends at the end. Amazing.

Looking forward to Season 2, especially to see how Alex and Simon will manage to tone it down. See you then!