The Hills Deconstructed: Lauren and Whitney Do Paris

Hoorah! The Hills is back and I thoroughly enjoyed every fake minute of it. It's kind of a buzzkill that MTV hyped this whole Paris thing and it only lasted for one measly episode. I guess the real drama is in L.A. and Crested Butte anyway. I'm not going to recap everything that transpired, but I'll share my thoughts on the major players via minimalist word painting:

• Lauren: doormat, curling iron challenged, chronic victim act getting old
  
• Whitney: probably says "Ver-sace," too
  
• Heidi: emasculating, growing into her new nose, more likeable, should lay off the botox and Restylane
  
• Spencer: weak, whipped, wussy
  
• Audrina: passive aggressive, kind of a bitch?

Read more of Doodle Whore's in depth Hills analysis here.