Ugly (Hideous, really) Los Angelenos

I love L.A. and blah blah blah. But sometimes, even I have to admit that there is something fundamentally wrong with a large percentage of my people. So, without further ado, let me share with you a conversation that illuminates my point:

Me: Hey, that's actually my driveway, it's private property. Please don't park there in the future.

Girl: It's not blocking the driveway. You can get around.

Me: It's not a parking place. And you weren't even coming here -- you went next door.

Girl: What about that car parked right there?

Me: That car is in an actual parking place and it belongs to somebody who lives here. Just don't park there. Next time I'll have you towed. There's a sign right there that says you'll be towed.

Girl: I was only here for 30 minutes.

Me: Just don't park there again.

Girl: You know, you could've asked me more nicely.

Me: What?! You know what was nice? Not having you towed!

Girl: You still could've asked me nicely as well. You obviously have a miserable life!


Yes. It must be that my life is so miserable. Why else would anybody dare criticize a perfectly charming creature such as yourself? It couldn't possibly be the case that you are so self-important and self-absorbed that you feel you are entitled to park in what is very obviously the driveway of somebody you don't know and are not visiting just so that you don't have to walk fifty yards. And, despite your bold decision to trespass, you feel further entitled to defend your actions, refrain from apologizing, and express your discontent for not being treated like the Queen of England.

What was I thinking? It is my privilege and honor to accommodate your every need. Please, park your Nissan wherever you see fit! Handicap spot? No problem! Fire hydrant? You are more important than any public emergency! You are indeed the very center of this universe.